


Resurrection

by wildeisms



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, Thor (Movies)
Genre: (It's not not compliant), (It's technically not out yet so maybe it is), (kind of), (probably), Avengers: Infinity War Part 1 (Movie) Compliant, Character Death Fix, Fix-It, Love Confessions, Not Avengers: Endgame (Movie) Compliant, Other, Post-Traumatic Mutism, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Soft Frostmaster, Soft Grandmaster, Sugar daddy En Dwi Gast missed his favourite twink, Trauma
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-22
Updated: 2019-04-22
Packaged: 2020-01-24 06:17:45
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,920
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18565639
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/wildeisms/pseuds/wildeisms
Summary: The void grew heavier and heavier until time and space didn’t seem to exist anymore.The next thing Loki knew was something soft underneath him. But his body wasn’t quite his own, it felt strangely separate and he couldn’t quite seem to move it. When he managed to make his eyes open, everything was out of focus, lights moving incomprehensibly in his peripheral vision.





	Resurrection

The void filled his lungs, sucking away all the breath. He couldn’t see, couldn’t breathe, couldn’t even feel a floor beneath him. He wanted to vomit, but he contained only the same oppressive darkness that surrounded him. Inside, outside, there was no difference. It was as if his body was being undone at the seams, the atoms spreading and the void expanding between them until eventually he’d be too scattered to perceive his own existence. 

Was this death? He had craved it, feared it, hated it for so long, but he didn’t know.

A burst of pure agony shot through his body like lightning, but he couldn’t move, couldn’t cry out.

“Hey, hey! It’s okay, you’re safe.”

He couldn’t breathe.

“You’re here with me, just relax, honey.”

There was a hand around his throat, he couldn’t breathe. 

“Yeah you can, come on, honey. In and out, nice and steady.”

He couldn’t. He was going to die. He was going to die in seconds, his body screaming in agony and desperate for air.

“Okay, okay, we’re not ready, that’s okay. Back to sleep.”

The void grew heavier and heavier until time and space didn’t seem to exist anymore.

The next thing Loki knew was something soft underneath him. But his body wasn’t quite his own, it felt strangely separate and he couldn’t quite seem to move it. When he managed to make his eyes open, everything was out of focus, lights moving incomprehensibly in his peripheral vision. He was able to croak out a hoarse moan, his throat horrifically raw. The pain was his, of that he had no doubt.

“You’re awake!” a voice said a moment later. He recognised that voice, but somehow couldn’t place it. His mind was still full of emptiness, too slow and too weak to function. “How do you feel?”

Hurts, he tried to say. But all that came out of him was an unintelligible groan. 

“At least you’re breathing, huh? You, er, weren’t so much at first.”

The Grandmaster. En Dwi Gast. How was he there? This surely wasn’t Sakaar, he had left Sakaar. Hadn’t he? Loki blinked a few times, trying to get his eyes to focus.

“Yeah, no, you’re one of my ships. But we’re, uh, heading back to Sakaar. It’s gonna be different, though. Your little stunt nearly lost me my planet, y’know? They don’t like the whole dictator thing so much anymore, even if I’m a wonderful and benevolent dictator.”

Ah. Well, that wasn’t ideal. But surely he could recover from that. An illusion of compromise was usually enough to quell such dissent. Making them think it was their choice. That was right, wasn’t it?

“Strategically scheming away already? Even when you’re coming back from the dead, that lovely brain of yours is still working. See, this is part of why I forgive you. I just can’t stay too mad at a wonderful little thing like you.”

Coming back from the dead. The panic rose up inside him, suffocating him again. He couldn’t have died. He couldn’t have. He was here, he was alive, this was all wrong. He had just been unconscious. He had to have been.

“Oh shoot, you didn’t… Yeah, it’s kind of a lot to deal with. But it’s fine! You’re fine now. It wasn’t too hard to, er, bring you back, even if I did have to fix up that broken neck for you. You might be a little delicate for a while, but I’ll just hold off on the choking.”

Choking. He was choking now, he had been choking before. A large hand clenched too tight around his throat, lifting him off the ground, squeezing and squeezing. He couldn’t breathe. He was going to die, already dying. He was going to be sick.

“Wait-wait-wait!” He felt something being placed on his thighs and his head being lifted off of the pillow until he was in a sitting position, his hair pulled back just in time for him to vomit bile into the bowl in his lap. “Oh, that’s so gross…” he said, but Loki could only dry heave in response, his body shaking with every choking attempt to expel the non-existent contents of his stomach. En rubbed his back and held his hair up until he slumped, physically unable to continue, the tears stinging his eyes. Passive as a doll, he let En take the bowl from him and guide him back against a pillow to prop him upright. 

“Better? I’d get you some water, but I’m, uh, not sure your body can take it right now.”

He was shaking violently still, uncontrollable shivers wracking his thin frame. He had died. The whole ship must have died. Thor will have died. And it was all his fault.

“Hey, hey… None of that,” En murmured as he sat himself on the bed beside Loki. He tipped Loki’s chin up, his touch unimaginably delicate, as if Loki might break any second, and kissed him chastely. He wiped the tears from Loki’s cheeks - he hadn’t even realised they were falling - and fixed him with a firm look. “You didn’t make you-know-who do you-know-what. That’s on him.”

But if Loki hadn’t stolen the Tesseract…

“Yeah, okay, I, uh, I see your point. But its value… You had to, right?” En started combing through his hair and Loki found himself relaxing against him, the shaking subsiding. “I wouldn’t normally read your mind when you can’t read mine, you know, just so we’re clear. I try and- and avoid it if I can. But right now… Special circumstances, don’t you think?”

Yes, Loki supposed. He was weak and tired and it still hurt, he didn’t know when it would feel okay to speak again-

“It’s psychosomatic, by the way.”

What?

“It’s uh, y’know… All in your head sounds wrong, but- No, it is all in your head. Physically, I fixed your throat up. You take your time, though. I mean, I love your voice, it’s just- it’s beautiful, seriously, but we can do it this way as long as you need.”

Loki opened his mouth to speak, but only a faint croak came out. He scowled. How could it be  _ psychosomatic _ ? He  _ couldn’t _ speak. Of course he couldn’t, he was injured, the residual pain was still lingering-

“You’re hurt, yeah, I know, honey. You’ve been hurt enough for a hundred lifetimes.” En brushed his hair aside to kiss his cheek, and Loki felt his heart rate pick up and his breath catch at the gentle brush of En’s fingers against his throat. “And if you wanted, I’d kill everyone who ever hurt you.”

It should feel good, but Loki just felt guilty. He should have forced Thor to stay on Sakaar, should have been honest and open - as if he had ever been able to do that - with En, should have realised that En would have listened if only he had tried to speak up. Perhaps they would both have lived. But now… Now it was just him. And it was his own fault.

“Sparkles wasn’t on that ship, y’know. Far as I know, he made it. And far as I know, most of those other, uh, Ass-guardians are heading safely to wherever it is they were going.”

They had lived?

“Ehh, no, but call it a gift. After you risked everything to save them… I guessed it was important to you, so I brought back everyone who wasn’t too far gone. Scrapper 142 could handle it from there, so I left her to it. I needed a lie down after all that. I don’t think I’ve used that much of my power in, oh, at least a couple thousand years. Maybe even more.”

His head was reeling. Asgard had lived. Not the planet, nor most of the people, but En had saved them from complete extinction. Yet his brother was missing. He might by dying or already dead, and if people could be ‘too far gone’ for even En to save them… No. He was tough, he’d be okay. He was always okay.

“That’s the spirit,” En beamed, and Loki looked into his eyes, really looked. He seemed exhausted, drained in a way that Loki knew too well. Did he even have any magic left?

“Ehh, it’ll come back, don’t worry about me. Just worry about getting better, okay? Let me take care of everything else.”

It seemed like some strange dream. Only his subconscious could create such a comforting figure, could mould the figure of the Grandmaster, insane and hedonistic, into someone who would care for him, would kill for him and defy death itself for him. 

“Ah, see now that brings me to this whole thing I wanted to say. I was planning it on my way over, but I kinda got side-tracked by all of the…” He waved his hand vaguely. “Yeah. Anyway, I got to thinking, when you left. It was, uh… It was like everything good had gone, and not just because of the whole revolution thing. Even when you were trying to please me, you were… You were different. You- you were feisty. Powerful. And I guess what I’m trying to say is that I haven’t felt like this about anyone I’ve played with in a long, long time. Maybe ever? And I guess I’ve been dumb, I’ve been too- too, oh, what’s the word? Not seeing what I had, what was really important until it went away. And by it, I mean you,” he added unnecessarily.

“So, I think we’d make a good team, you and me. But the real you, not- not the, uh, ‘let’s please the Grandmaster because he owns this whole planet’ you. The you I saw when you let yourself relax a little, the one with the messy past and the schemes and that weird, contradictory thing of wanting to be in control and wanting someone else to take it. The one who gets lost in his own mind too much and in the moment too little. That you, the real you, is, uh, well, he’s just wonderful. And I want that you in my life.”

Even if Loki could have spoken, he wouldn’t have known what to say. No one felt that way about the supposedly ‘real’ Loki, if there even was such a thing. He was whatever he needed to be, a shapeless entity who formed himself into whatever best suited the situation and somehow still wasn’t enough. He had been moulding himself and failing ever since he was an infant. 

“Ooh, ouch, people really did a number on you, huh? But here you are. Still standing. Well, you’re sitting, but you get what I mean. I didn’t even know you’d be, uh, not-quite-alive when I turned up. I was just- just gonna ask you to come back. And-and to tell you, uh… To tell you I love you.”

En loved him. Loki’s head was reeling. This had to be some sort of dream, something his mind had developed to make this more bearable. At which point had his imagination taken over? Was he still dying? Was this his mind’s attempt to make death more bearable? Or was he still passed out after his resurrection, dreaming of something to ease the pain of everything he’d lost?

“I’m the real thing, honey. I mean, I know dream me would say that, but it’s true.”

En loved him. And Loki wasn’t sure - he had hardly had a chance to experience it before - but he thought he loved him too.

**Author's Note:**

> This may end up being a prequel to a thing, as it was originally going to be a prologue until I decided to make it a stand-alone so that I could post before Endgame's release date. I'm not emotionally ready.
> 
> Also I literally cannot comprehend a Jeff Goldblummy character as anything other than a darling, fight me @everyone who headcanons the Grandmaster as a callous creep.
> 
> Also #2 it isn't explicitly mentioned and I am going to do a thing which explores it more at some point, but Loki is genderqueer in everything I write. Even things he isn't even mentioned in.


End file.
